


So much bitterness

by spinhell



Category: Popee the Performer (Anime)
Genre: Frustration, High School, Oneshot, References to Depression, References to Future Popee, Student Popee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:53:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23987686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spinhell/pseuds/spinhell
Summary: Popee got a good grade in class but that doesn't invoke any joy in him. On the contrary, it reminds him of how bad of a performer he is in his own circus.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	So much bitterness

« Wow Popee ! You got A+ in Physics again ! »

He should normally be proud of himself, but that only added to his frustration.

He was brilliantly excellent in all subjects: science, languages, sport. However, he always had a pinch of heart when he was the best in his class. It only reminded him that he still hadn't mastered the art of the circus and that Kedamono and his father were way beyond him.

Every remark on his academic genius made him deaf to what he was really worth, and just reminded him that he was a failure in what constituted everything he thought he loved and what he defined himself by.  
However, he did everything to be the best performer. He did everything to get there, even the most sickly plans to kill friends just to be watched a fraction of a second longer than the other characters, finally he wanted to be the most admired boy on earth thanks to his shows. 

Why couldn't he do it ?

He clearly had eyes bigger than his stomach, but it was impossible for him to question himself, he did not want to disappoint his father and really thought that an audience of people cared about him and that he should continue to bring them joy and to be loved through them.

He left school, thinking about how school was just futile and useless training to him. Things could be different but they’re not : 

He could focus on his future instead of following the path of his father he hates so much and stop imitating that damn wolf.  
He could be interested in sciences, subjects which he deeply liked but which he refused to admit because that would mean that the circus would pass in 2nd option and it was unthinkable for him.

He was so frustrated, he thought his way traced to glory, but it was only a fake, his true destiny was not to be a performer. So much bitterness in one poor boy, it was pitiful. Deep inside of him, he knew it was impossible to reach this goal to be the best in circus art. But he preferred to lie to himself and hope.

On the way to the house that served him as a circus, he remembered that he had to redouble his efforts once again. Whereas in return, at school he did not even need to revise and he always got the best mark. Unsuccessful efforts that go in the wrong purview.

It was not finished however, his impulse of sickly determination took over when he saw the silhouette of the circus, he was ready to torture and torture himself to be loved : the end will always justify the means he told himself.

When he got to the circus, he looked at the frescoes on the wall that demarcated the circus and greeted this false audience by saying that he will impress them today. Yet no one expected him, no one was there to admire him, nobody smiled at him. Only monstrous heads paint on the wall that whispered in his head that he was incompetent and worthless. 

However, if he could he would feed himself exclusively on the joy and the smile he gives to others. But nobody was here to admire and smile at him.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the few spelling mistakes, I'm not an English speaker, but I hope it was a good read.
> 
> My Twitter if you wanna talk : @spin3l_


End file.
